Цифровые Мысли

Dilbert и раньше бывало попадал не в бровь, а в глаз. Но сегодняшний стрип - это просто самое оно:

» buzz

Корпоративные митинги всё больше стали напоминать старый советский анекдот:

Советские учёные придумали уникальный вид домашних животных: это животное ест любые пищевые отходы, даёт вкусное молоко, несёт крупные яйца, шерсть его очень длинная и тёплая, а мясо - богато белками и микроэлементами.

Придумать - придумали, а вот вывести ни хрена не могут!

Регулярно читаю The Daily WTF (daily_wtf). Смеюсь и плачу. Тяжела и неказиста жизнь простого программиста…

Последнее — просто сказка. В нескольких частях.

1. Virtudyne: The Founding
2. Virtudyne: The Gathering
3. Virtudyne: The Savior Cometh
4. Virtudyne: The Digital Donkey

А впрочем, буду только плакать. Обещал же не смеяться.

Классика программерского юмора. И, что печально, юмор этот не устаревает...

The "Plan"

1 In the Beginning was the Plan
2 And them came the Assumptions
3 And the assumptions were without form.
4 And the Plan was completely without substance.
5 And the darkness was upon the face of the workers,
6 And they spoke among themselves saying:
7 "It is a crock of shit, and it stinketh!"

8 And the workers went unto their supervisors, and sayeth:
9 "It is a pail of dung, and none can abide the odor Thereof."

10 And the supervisors went unto their managers and sayeth unto them
11 "It is a container of excrement, and it is very strong, Such that none can abide it."

12 And the managers went unto the directors and sayeth:
13 "It is a vessel of fertilizer, and none can abide its strength."

14 And the directors spoke amongst themselves, saying to one another:
15 "It containeth that which aids plant growth, and is very strong."

16 And the directors went unto the vice presidents and sayeth to them:
17 "It promotes growth, and is very powerful."

18 And the vice presidents went unto the president, and sayeth unto him:
19 "This new Plan will actively promote growth and efficiency of this company, and certain areas in particular."

20 And the president looked upon the Plan, and saw that it was good.
21 And the Plan became Policy.

Порою резкие отказы по работе приходится заменять на более приличные выражения. А тут вот подкинули целый словарик по грамотным отводам:

1. I am in the middle of several projects
• let people know when you have accepted other responsibilities
• no need to make excuses if you don't have any free time
• no one will fault you for having already filled your plate
2. I am not comfortable with that
• you might be uncomfortable with any of a number of issues
• the people involved, the type of work, the morale implications, etc.
• this is a very respectful way to avoid a sticky situation
( More ways )
3. NO
• sometimes it's okay to just say no!
• just say it in a way that expresses respect and courtesy
• leave the door open for good relations

© Online Organizing, перевод имеется.

Lesson #1

A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?" The crow answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Сижу, пью обогащённый кофе-235. Заварка реально термоядерная - полпачки кофе на стандартный кофейник. Туда же - грамм 50 сливок, сахарку всякого... Как говорится, но его радость была бы неполной без добавки Bailey's или хотя бы вискаря, но корпоративная полиси не позволяет...